Chris1989 Posted February 15 Share Posted February 15 A few nights back, because I am a good person, I spent the evening and night looking after my wife as she simultaneously shit herself and threw up from food poisoning, helped her sweaty fevered body back to the bedroom and got her water whilst she recovered. I stayed in the bed with her to help her as and when she needed it. Her words 12 hours after the sickness kicked off: "I've been asking myself over the last 24 hours, but particularly since last night, what the hell am I doing?" I've also been told it's fine to share a bed again. It changes nothing as to how I see things. I am still actively working towards my future goals as a single or married man. At least she seems to be realising how much she has taken me for granted and she is appreciating me somewhat more. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris1989 Posted February 23 Share Posted February 23 I ended the relationship last night. Things haven't been progressing. She realises she needs me, but she doesn't love me. The final straw was when she suggested an open marriage. I asked her if she was serious, she said it wasn't ideal but it was an option. I ended it there and then. No way am I going to be in a marriage where my wife is fucking other guys. What a heartless and horrible way for her to bring about the end of our marriage. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rindmelon Posted February 23 Share Posted February 23 9 minutes ago, Chris1989 said: I ended the relationship last night. Things haven't been progressing. She realises she needs me, but she doesn't love me. The final straw was when she suggested an open marriage. I asked her if she was serious, she said it wasn't ideal but it was an option. I ended it there and then. No way am I going to be in a marriage where my wife is fucking other guys. What a heartless and horrible way for her to bring about the end of our marriage. Sorry man. sounds like you are better off without her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ZoSoRose Posted February 23 Share Posted February 23 1 hour ago, Chris1989 said: The final straw was when she suggested an open marriage. That is always the death blow. I’m sorry man Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris1989 Posted February 23 Share Posted February 23 11 minutes ago, ZoSoRose said: That is always the death blow. I’m sorry man Yeah, that was the "I like all the benefits I get of living with you, and I want to keep them all, but I don't want to actually give you any affection in return" message. Hence me ending it instantly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
janrichmond Posted February 25 Share Posted February 25 On 2/23/2024 at 7:31 PM, Chris1989 said: Yeah, that was the "I like all the benefits I get of living with you, and I want to keep them all, but I don't want to actually give you any affection in return" message. Hence me ending it instantly. I think you've done the right thing. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris1989 Posted March 16 Share Posted March 16 Sent her the separation agreement last night. Feels good to finally be putting it to bed. Just need to get the money out of her to actually pay for the divorce. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Graeme Posted April 22 Share Posted April 22 I was reading through some old posts... Wow, I really used to bare my soul in here . Some of them made me want to cringe into a singularity, which is (maybe) an indicator that I've grown a bit, although I do feel like young me had his heart in the right place. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoulMonster Posted April 22 Share Posted April 22 5 hours ago, Graeme said: I was reading through some old posts... Wow, I really used to bare my soul in here . Some of them made me want to cringe into a singularity, which is (maybe) an indicator that I've grown a bit, although I do feel like young me had his heart in the right place. Yeah, you always came across as a solid guy. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris1989 Posted May 5 Share Posted May 5 I'm spoilt for choice right now. One in her 20's. Another in her late 30's. Third one in her mid 30's. Three totally different characters. The first has life experience beyond her years, but I think is still a bit of a party girl at heart. I like her looks but I'm not sure how that would mesh with dating somebody 9 years her senior who has a child. The second is the same age as my soon to be ex wife, and has two children so would be a better family fit in that she would understand my role as a dad is the most important thing in my life. I'm attracted to her in looks and personality. The third gives me the impression she is a "nice" girl, and I'm not sure my physical desires would fit with somebody who is a bit of a goody goody. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris1989 Posted May 7 Share Posted May 7 On 5/5/2024 at 12:26 PM, Chris1989 said: I'm spoilt for choice right now. One in her 20's. Another in her late 30's. Third one in her mid 30's. Three totally different characters. The first has life experience beyond her years, but I think is still a bit of a party girl at heart. I like her looks but I'm not sure how that would mesh with dating somebody 9 years her senior who has a child. The second is the same age as my soon to be ex wife, and has two children so would be a better family fit in that she would understand my role as a dad is the most important thing in my life. I'm attracted to her in looks and personality. The third gives me the impression she is a "nice" girl, and I'm not sure my physical desires would fit with somebody who is a bit of a goody goody. I'm down to the one now. Just the third. Stopped conversing with the first because I wasn't feeling it. The second was incredible and I really liked her, but in person she wasn't feeling it. See what happens with the third... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ZoSoRose Posted May 7 Share Posted May 7 Paid for our wedding venue. It’s pretty cool, it’s by a swamp 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
username Posted May 7 Share Posted May 7 17 minutes ago, ZoSoRose said: Paid for our wedding venue. It’s pretty cool, it’s by a swamp You make it sound very Florida. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Graeme Posted May 8 Share Posted May 8 10 hours ago, ZoSoRose said: Paid for our wedding venue. It’s pretty cool, it’s by a swamp Just be careful that Shrek doesn't demand to know what you're all doing there. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ZoSoRose Posted May 8 Share Posted May 8 On 5/7/2024 at 11:15 AM, username said: You make it sound very Florida. Michigan! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris1989 Posted May 14 Share Posted May 14 2 months since the official separation, 4 months since the first "we should divorce" discussion, and I am no longer single. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Axls_Moustache_Rules Posted May 14 Share Posted May 14 20 minutes ago, Chris1989 said: 2 months since the official separation, 4 months since the first "we should divorce" discussion, and I am no longer single. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gibson87 Posted May 16 Share Posted May 16 Has anyone else become jaded towards relationships and dating? I shouldn't have this mindset at 26 but the whole process is exhausting. I almost prefer staying single at this point and continuing to build my life 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jimisbatman Posted May 16 Share Posted May 16 3 hours ago, Gibson87 said: Has anyone else become jaded towards relationships and dating? I shouldn't have this mindset at 26 but the whole process is exhausting. I almost prefer staying single at this point and continuing to build my life Nope, not becoming jaded. Just gotta find your friend. Someone you are comfortable with. Sounds like you haven't found it the first time, but hang in there, it will happen. Some old guy once told me, Become the person, you want to be with, ie, if you want a smart, generous loving person with a j.o.b who is well presented, you need to become that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris1989 Posted May 16 Share Posted May 16 3 hours ago, jimisbatman said: Nope, not becoming jaded. Just gotta find your friend. Someone you are comfortable with. Sounds like you haven't found it the first time, but hang in there, it will happen. Some old guy once told me, Become the person, you want to be with, ie, if you want a smart, generous loving person with a j.o.b who is well presented, you need to become that. This entire post is solid stuff. I was so jaded and fed up with my marriage. I was made to feel bad for being sexually attracted to her, I was made to feel like a degenerate for wanting to do more than missionary or her on top. I just accepted that this was just how marriage would be, and how love ended up. As you'll see from my posts in the past couple of pages I was hurt, I was angry and very bitter about how things went down, and I didn't believe that there was anything out there for me. Here we are today and I have somebody who is totally emotionally on my wavelength, physically right for me etc. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gibson87 Posted May 16 Share Posted May 16 11 hours ago, jimisbatman said: Nope, not becoming jaded. Just gotta find your friend. Someone you are comfortable with. Sounds like you haven't found it the first time, but hang in there, it will happen. Some old guy once told me, Become the person, you want to be with, ie, if you want a smart, generous loving person with a j.o.b who is well presented, you need to become that. Totally agreed! I'm working hard to become that person now. I think what has me feeling that way is I found my friend and someone I'm comfortable with but she didn't respect certain boundaries and was unfaithful towards the end of the relationship. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jimisbatman Posted May 17 Share Posted May 17 17 hours ago, Gibson87 said: Totally agreed! I'm working hard to become that person now. I think what has me feeling that way is I found my friend and someone I'm comfortable with but she didn't respect certain boundaries and was unfaithful towards the end of the relationship. It's a tough one when one is unfaithful, sorry dude. Character is a massive attribute and it's easier said than done but needs to be on any list for potential relationships. I learnt through a series of relationships and it became something I started looking for in a partner. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris1989 Posted May 19 Share Posted May 19 On 5/14/2024 at 4:46 PM, Chris1989 said: 2 months since the official separation, 4 months since the first "we should divorce" discussion, and I am no longer single. Came home the other evening to take over on childcare duty, and I am dressed nicely from my date, aftershave on, looking fine etc. Soon to be Ex-Wife starts trying to make conversation, tells me how nice I smell, how is work going etc. Bitch I found a pack of 3 condoms hidden away with just one in it, confronted you and you told me about how much you fell for somebody else, how you were discussing with them how you wanted to be together but couldn't because you were married, then fucked them at the first opportunity after we discussed separating (hadn't even filed the divorce application), and when you got caught you made up a lie about it all being a trick to make me accept things were over. We. Are. Not. Friends. I cannot wait for the house sale to go through and her hold over me to finally be put to bed. The moment it goes through I am telling her about my GF, and stating that I will be introducing her to our daughter as per our agreement. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lio Posted May 20 Share Posted May 20 23 hours ago, Chris1989 said: Came home the other evening to take over on childcare duty, and I am dressed nicely from my date, aftershave on, looking fine etc. Soon to be Ex-Wife starts trying to make conversation, tells me how nice I smell, how is work going etc. Bitch I found a pack of 3 condoms hidden away with just one in it, confronted you and you told me about how much you fell for somebody else, how you were discussing with them how you wanted to be together but couldn't because you were married, then fucked them at the first opportunity after we discussed separating (hadn't even filed the divorce application), and when you got caught you made up a lie about it all being a trick to make me accept things were over. We. Are. Not. Friends. I cannot wait for the house sale to go through and her hold over me to finally be put to bed. The moment it goes through I am telling her about my GF, and stating that I will be introducing her to our daughter as per our agreement. Just don't forget you will forever be connected to your ex-wife because of your daughter. Till death do you part. I get that it's all really fresh in your case, and you were hurt massively. But I personally am happy that at the take-over, we can discuss things amicably and can still talk about how everything's going etc. Not saying we hang out together and we have gotten divorced for a reason, but it's nice to be able to rely on each other sometimes for practical things. If he's in traffic and late to collect daughter from school, for example, he'll call me and I take over until he can pick her up. Or vice versa. I see so many people who after years still hate on each other and can't be civil to each other and it's only shitty for themselves and the kids, in the first place. I'm not saying you will be like that, and like I said, it's all still very fresh. but I still think it's important to keep that in mind 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris1989 Posted May 22 Share Posted May 22 I keep it civil in person to the point that I don't make it awkward or treat her badly. I just don't pay any attention to her at all. I go into full Dad mode, give my daughter 100% focus and attention, and she loves it. She has no time to think or care about how her mum and dad are interacting. I've moved on in terms of having a relationship, but I haven't moved on in terms of accepting her bullshit. I refuse to sit back and listen to her saying about how we should be friends, how she cares about me, i'll always have a special place in her heart etc. No, she doesn't care about me. She wouldn't have treated me the way she did if she actually cared. She was a manipulative bully who emotionally broke me down over the course of years, and all with a smile whilst saying I was paranoid. You don't do that to somebody you love, and when they finally have the strength to call you out on it with hundreds of examples, you should own it and accept you were wrong, and respect that the other person no longer wants anything to do with you. Her pushing to be friends is only going to push me further away. Whatever the situation, I realised everything I had wanted and was missing, and it's an amazing twist of fate that I appear to have just happened to meet that exact person two weeks ago. Even days earlier would have been too soon. I needed to find myself, explore my options and truly know what I wanted. Plus, away from the massive emotional connection we have - I don't think i've ever had such an incredible 12 hours as I did the other night! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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